Greenbomb Shiva

Some of my shiva sitters.  Say that three times fast.  

When my brother Nate died in April of this year, we sat shiva.  Sitting shiva is a Jewish custom where the family receives visistors for a week after the burial.  Sometimes there are religious rites that go along with the visiting.

We aren't Jewish, but we made sure one of us showed up at my parents house every day.  They were always a little surprised when we arrived, but it helped us to do something for them and I think it helped them be distracted also.

When I lost my babies, my sisters and friends arranged more shiva.  It was a different experience being a recipient.  Someone showed up every day and it forced me to get out of bed and put on makeup.  Sometimes we'd talk about sad stuff, sometimes we'd talk about celebrities. My People mag intake was greatly improved during this time.  We did a lot of retail therapy and eating and drinking of peppermint hot chocolate.  Then they'd leave and I'd take a nap and then my kids came home to distract me some more.  It really helped me get through that first week and I would highly recommend this course of action to people who are wondering what to do for someone who is grieving.

Other notes to self re helping grieving people:

• Gifts of food = good.
• Gifts of fruits and vegs = good also because then you don't feel so bad about all of the junk.
• Dropping stuff off = great.
• Cards, phone calls, notes, comments of caring are excellent and really do help.
• Including people in your prayers seems to work for sad person.
• Stopping by is good and having people run interference in case you don't want visitors is better.
• Acknowledging sad person is way better than ignoring situation even though acknowledging is harder.
• Crying before sad person cries is kind of a bummer because then sad person starts crying and sad person might be trying not to cry.
• A good gift for sad person might be waterproof mascara and tissues.

I hope none of you have to sit shiva anytime soon and I hope the prayers are helping those poor families in Connecticut.