Proof is in the Pictures.

In my church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the congregation's local leader is called a bishop. A bishop is defined as "a man who has been ordained and set apart as the presiding high priest for a ward, or congregation. He has overall responsibility for ministering the temporal and spiritual affairs of the congregation."

A bishop of a ward is lay clergy, meaning he doesn't earn his living being a bishop and he is chosen from among the people of the congregation. It's a hard job but I'm sure it is rewarding and fulfilling.

In my stake, bishops usually serve about five years. The bishop of my congregation has been serving 5 1/2 years so people are starting to speculate. There's a great game that all Mormons play, even if they don't admit it. It's called "Who's Going to Be the Next Bishop."

If I were a man, I would never worry about being called as a bishop for the following reasons:

I arrive at church late.

I let my kids wander the halls during sacrament meeting.

I get paper towels wet and throw them at the bathroom ceiling. I make sure I leave some ID behind.

I throw hall parties.

I use the paper cutter in the library to give my children trims.

I "borrow" the audiovisual equipment from the secret closet.

I make photocopies of my face.

I set off the fire alarm when the meetings are overtime.

I misappropriate first aid items, especially aspirin.

I make long distance calls from the hall phone.

I tie up my nursery co-worker.

I eat on Fast Sunday.

Thank you for not considering me.