 |
| Bedresting on the couch. |
What I want to remember about being pregnant:
- It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
- I lost all of my back up happy places and I had to find some more.
- I had to go to some sort of doctor once a week.
- Crises kept happening for no apparent reason.
- I couldn't think about anything besides my pregnancy and now I am grateful I was able to think about it so much.
- My stomach bothered me the whole time.
- I wasn't going to love my babies until January because I was worried about becoming attached but now I am glad I was able to love them before January.
- I could sleep for 20 hours a day. Real sleep. It was a super power.
- Reading, television, and scrolling on the computer all made me nauseated.
- Fluorescent lights and lots of merchandise made me nauseated.
- I only wore stretchy pants.
- I don't regret things I did or didn't do. I feel like I did the very best that I could.
- People helped me and cared about me and I liked it.
- My husband and kids felt sorry for me and did jobs for me right when I asked. It was Twin Talent.
- At night I would look at pictures of newborn twins and feel like I could do another day.
- My pregnancy was a community celebration and the demise was a community disappointment.
- I knew they were boys the whole time.
- I could never get enough to drink.
- I felt sorry for myself a lot.
- I had really terrific dreams. Mostly in my dreams I was travelling, which I love. They were a respite from my real life.
- Carl got up every morning and got the kids off to school and cleaned the kitchen.
- When the YM brought the sacrament to me on Sundays I cried the whole time and they were embarrassed. I cried because I was grateful and I cried because it wasn't the same as real church.
- My cousin and her husband wept when we told them about our twins. They have twins. They were so happy for us. It was extra sweet.
Posts
4 comments:
I am so sorry for your loss.
I found your blog a few years back. Someone sent me the link to your post about famous members of the church and I just kept reading. I was sad when you went on hiatus!
I'm glad you're back, but so sad to read why. Your posts are inspiring and your writing is always beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing your good and bad times. You are not alone.
These last several posts (the bulleted lists) are all great. You are like the wise older sister I never had (sorry Brooke!). You're smart to record all this stuff so you won't forget it. I want to have travel dreams and a husband who cleans the kitchen. Carl is a good man.
What a great thing it is that you are writing about this. You are providing wonderful insight and perspective for all of us. Love you.
I have been reading, and I love your process, and I am so glad you are sharing it. Otherwise, I would worry about you, and how you are doing. Now, I know how you are doing, and i hope you continue to heal. This might be a "too soon" question, but I really want to know, and I am sure others do too. But do you think you will 'try' to have another? (Like I said, too soon, but when you feel like it, I'd love to know your thoughts on it!!!)
Post a Comment