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| Nephew Kaveh sporting a stash. |
Things that are hard for me:
- Sitting still.
- The baby theme of Christmas. No "Away in a Manger" for me. Merry Secular Christmas.
- Going back to places for the first time. Church was especially hard because I had envisioned how it would be once I had my babies.
- Seeing people who don't know that my pregnancy ended. I can tell by the looks on their faces when they don't know and it breaks my heart because I know they are going to feel bad when I tell them and I'm going to feel bad when I tell them.
- The fact that I only have ultrasound photos to tell me what Duncan and George looked like.
- The mustache pacifiers I bought for them because I thought they were hilarious.
- Sitting around my dinner table and feeling like people are missing.
- Carl and I felt like we were doing something new and adventurous and now we aren't.
- Watching my family struggle individually.
- Thinking about the upcoming family ceremony that we must do even though I don't want to.
- The keepsake ashes. Want to see a picture? I want to show everyone but it's too morbid.
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2 comments:
I am so grateful you are posting. I will keep praying for you. You really are doing very, very hard things.
we really can do hard things and I especially liked the part about letting people in - so true. I'm glad you have a strong support system and I'm a firm believer in writing things down to help us get through hard times...keep going even when you don't feel like it.
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