Tour De Shame

My mom started dressing up in full costume on Halloween when I was still in high school. She puts on a silly costume with full makeup, and then shows up at local schools to "surprise" whichever victim she is visiting. The reactions to her visits are varied but they are always anticipated with a great deal of anxiety.

My favorite year was the year Mom dressed up as a dog. My Grandma Fae was still alive, and during the course of the day my Dog Mom had to take Grandma to the gerontologist. When the doctor declined to increase Grandma's crazy pill dose, my mom told him if he didn't, she was going to bite him. Then she barked. Grandma went home a little less crazy that day.

On Friday my mom arranged to pick my kids up after school. First she showed up at Henry's class following his party. The look of bewilderment on his face when he saw Lobster Grandma was delightful. He wasn't expecting it because she had never come to his school in costume before. She usually just goes to her local grandkids schools.

After the elementary school, I escorted Lobster Grandma over to the middle school to find Claire. We got there right as the kids were changing classes, and we were lucky enough to spot her and attract attention to ourselves. She was amused but grateful we didn't come into her classroom. Alas, the gratitude was premature.

Security at the middle school is tight, so Lobster Grandma and I had to ninja our way past the front office and we managed to find her classroom. Grandma entered the classroom, found Claire, and announced loudly that she was Claire's grandma while waving to the students and teacher. Claire turned as red as Grandma's face. The element of surprise was excellent.

After the middle school event, Lobster Grandma and I returned to my house where I donned my Tweedle Dee outfit in preparation for the high school tour of shame. Alas, Tweedle Dum declined to join us.

We didn't attempt to breech security at the high school. Lobster Grandma and I waited for Max to exit high school on a hill across an intersection that hundreds of students use. It was excellent. All of the kids could see us, and we could see them. When we saw someone we knew, we'd shout their names and wave. They pretended they hated it but then they hung around us while we waited for Max.

The best part of surprising Max was the agony he must have felt when he figured out who the weirdos on the hill were. His mental discomfort could only grow while he waited for the light to turn and he was forced to join us. When we were yelling his name and jumping up and down, it looked like he was going to turn around but I knew he wouldn't forgo his ride home from school. He was trapped.

I don't know why Max declined to hold our hands on the way back to the car.