I only have twenty minutes before the next thing, so let's make this quick: All of the Helloween stuff sounds really fun but it is a beast to execute. Does any mom really like it? It wrecks at least two days of my life, and this year it is three. Two days at school and one on the actual day.
I woke up this morning to a mysterious case of thievery. Apparently one older brother "borrowed" some key elements of Henry's hippie costume, thus rendering it even lamer than it already was. Since the school parade was at 8:30, there was no chance of finding some replacement John Lennon glasses. We managed to get to the parade and I'm sure we contracted swine flu from all of the close contact we had with the entire school.
I was going to be swine flu for Helloween. I had a pig hat and I was going to wear a robe and wings and stick a thermometer in my mouth. My plans have changed, but since I won't obtain my costume until this afternoon, I am without an alternate identity. My kids do not have the requisite anxiety that I am going to show up at school to embarrass them. I feel like a failure. I am only a Good Enough Mom, which is one of my favorite old posts. You should read it.
In five minutes I "get" to attend a Helloween party that one of Alice's preschool friends is having. The child has more holiday activities than anyone. It's ridiculous. My highlight yesterday was her preschool party. All of the parents were told to bring treats to share. I forgot, naturally, so I ran home and grabbed some stale Smartees and shoved them in a Ziploc and dropped them off, congratulating myself for saving the day. Imagine my surprise when she came home with a giant bag filled with homemade individualized treats from her classmates. The paltry Smartees rattled around the bottom. I'm not even embarrassed. I think it is ridiculous.
This is what I have to look forward to following Alice's party that I have to leave for right now:
- Henry's school party where I have to help decorate cookies and ruin my clothes. I stink at decorating.
- No nap.
- Looking at my toddler's ugly costume that I made the mistake of allowing her to choose. It makes me want to poke my eyes out.
- No nap.
- Driving my older children around at will.
- No nap.
- HS homecoming parade, which is actually at the mall where I plan to alleviate my suffering by buying stuff.
- No nap.
- Negotiating with my teenager about his evening plans.
- No nap.
- Negotiating with my babysitter about bedtimes.
- Giant Diet Coke.
- Adult Costume Party, which I am actually looking forward to if I ever get there. I have to bring an appetizer. I hope they like Little Caesars.
Next year I am going to be a Jehovah's Witness. They have it all figured out.
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14 comments:
Oh my dear, good luck! I thought I had it bad when my almost 3 yr old told us he wanted to be a "hockey guy" for Halloween and my hubby spent $132 at Hockey Giant on REAL hockey gear for him to wear. I mentioned that our kid isn't even 3yet, right? I mean, how do you top that next year and the year after? But after reading your post, I crown you the Queen of Helloween. Hope you have fun at your party, fit a nap in somehow, and get to eat at least some of the treats your kids bring home. Can't wait to see photos of your costume!
Well said. I hate this holiday.
I belly laughed at your parting line.
Okay, when I read how you described all of the Halloween stuff as a, "Beast to Execute" I said out loud, "Truer words were never spoken this fine day."
As I was making all kinds of preparations last night I told Mike, "Okay, so that's 18 hours I will never get back"...the 18 hours might be exaggerating, but not by much.
Uh, I think you should know that I am now stealing your Swine Flu costume idea. That is genius.
Loved the Good Enough Mom post.
I am glad you aren't ashamed of the Smartees. It is ridiculous. Plus, I bet all of those other moms don't have 4 children.
Quick costume idea...wear a moomoo or housecoat...stuff yourself silly, paint on some wrinkles and put powder in your hair making it gray, wear glasses...hot glue stuffed animal dog in butt crack and hold sign that says "lost dog...reward" with a picture of the dog on it...GENIOUS!!!! muwaahaaaaaa!!!
I'm so happy that my kid can make her own costume now.
The only good thing about Helloween is the candy.
I will always call it Helloween from now on.
My friend's son was swine flu and he had a spray bottle. He would sneeze on you and spray you. Disgusting and hellarious.
I'm glad that I'm not the only one who hates this holiday. It's just way to much stress and it seems that every year the celebrations start earlier and earlier. What happened to it being a 1 night thing?
I am looking forward to the party tonight if I can find a sitter that is.
Fun stuff.
That preschool sounds stressful. Alice must be in a class of all firstborns. No mother would put that much effort for a kid four times over.
At least not a sane mom.
I hear you LOUD and clear. I, too brought the lame treat to the preschool "trick or treat" (as if they don't get enough crap this time of year). Everything was wrapped in cello bags with cute ribbons. Whatever. I don't even care.
I need a giant diet coke now. GIANT.
you should move to PC central, like me. we don't even SAY halloween at school. instead, we embrace our caucasian roots and have a barn dance, where they learn oddly synchronized body movements. no frosting is involved.
You made me laugh with "made me want to poke my eyes out".
Awesome!
No nap for me either. I'm suffering, suffering. At least my kids are the perfect age to seek and return candy for me, without weeping about me stuffing it down my cake hole. I did get brass bear today.
Are comments still your secondary love language now that you no longer comment?
Hellarious! My kids went off track at the end of last week, so parties were over a week ago. I highly recommend it!
Last night I pulled out the $2 costume I bought on 75% off 75% off after last Halloween. I couldn't find the eyelashes or the funky hat. Needless to say, my female matador looked like 1/2 pirate, 1/2 woman of the night.
Oh, well . . . better luck next year. By the way post a pick of your swine flu outfit!
Coreen, I can't imagine hiding that priceless little face behind an ugly mask. And yes, I did get a nap, thank you.
Nancy, I know.
Lauren, I've been thinking about the 18 hours you won't get back since you wrote that. 18 hours is a lot. I want mine back also.
Amy B., I tried to envision the lost dog costume. It is hilarious. I'm afraid I wouldn't need glue to keep it in the crack, though. My rear has talents.
Diane, the spray bottle story makes me wish I would have stuck with the swine costume. The droplets of water idea is ingenious.
Audry, I'm glad you found a sitter because that Madonna costume would have been wasted without.
Ilene, do you think they got together and planned how they were going to use cute stuff and didn't include me in the conversation? Because I didn't want to be invited.
Annemarie, I knew you would get it. I wrote this for you.
Khandrea, pc central sounds idyllic. I am slightly worried about the early dating ages there though. Sixth grade? Is that pc?
Robin, I only poked one eye out.
Nor, I thought it was pie hole, not cake hole. I heard Mimi was in rapture with all of the free candy.
Susan, you were off track and you still had to party? That's not right. I can't wait to see how they celebrate in Minnesota. Is it snowing there by Halloween?
I'm still tired from Helloween. I took extra naps the 2 days following, to make up for the lost hours of work and missed naps on the day. It seemed fair.
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