Famous Mormon First Ward

Everybody knows that women should run their wards. We have the best ideas about who belongs where and what everyone's situation is relative to others. Unfortunately, my best efforts at "helping" my ward's organization have never come to fruition. Hence my pleasure at organizing the hierarchy of the Famous Mormon First Ward.

Ken Jennings is a natural for Elder's Quorum Pres. He has a mind for trivia, so he could keep all of the home teaching routes straight, and he has a pile of cash so that he could have good parties. EQ parties are always a lot more fun than HP parties.

Glenn Beck would be a breath of fresh air for the High Priest's Group Leader. Maybe he could singlehandedly change their name from Dry Priest back to High Priest. Glenn Beck is certainly qualified to be bishop but he is a little too controversial, hence his position as HPGL.

I realize this dates me, but Steve Young is nothing but cute and a great candidate for Young Men's Pres. He would be able to relate to the boys on an athlete's level, but he is old and wise enough to lead them. As a bonus, he could award them all cars (Toyotas) when they complete their Eagle Scout award.

This young chap, Torah Bright, is a snowboarder and one of Steve's young men. Steve has managed to befriend Torah despite their competing sports, and Torah has been a good example for Steve by not competing on the Sabbath.

Steve Covey, the guy who could sell anything to anybody, would have to be Ward Mission Leader. He could turn the entire congregation and any investigators into Coveyites.

Benji and his cousin Heidi are co-Activities chairpeople. I bet the decorations would be shiny and fabulous, but I am slightly worried about the food. They don't seem like eaters to me. Maybe Benji's dad would lend him that lighted sign he used to hold up in So You Think You Can Dance in order to announce parties.

Jane Clayson is the Primary Pres. She has really needed something to do since quitting her day job, and she is going to pour her talents into Primary. The children will respect her commanding voice but also enjoy all of the video presentations she prepares for them. Reverence will abound.

I can't have a ward without Carol Lynn Pearson, even if she is a little nuts. Every ward needs one, and she is our Relief Society Pres. She is very good at counseling those with marital issues and always has something interesting to say during RS. Never a dull moment with Carol Lynn.

Stephenie Meyer obviously understands the mind of the teenaged girl, so she is a great choice for YW Pres. The girls will especially enjoy midnight sleepovers at her house and sneaking out to TP Edward and Jacob.

Are you holding your breath to see who the bishop is? I choose Orson Scott Card. He is smart and funny and spiritual and just a little edgy. I hate it when bishops are super straight. They don't get me. Bishop Card is an effective leader for both young and old and I hope he stays in for at least five years.

Feel free to fill in the holes here. I realize I have only touched the tip of the iceberg.