I live in a two story house. I like it because the mess stays upstairs. My two oldest kids spend a lot of time in their rooms due to their adolescent status. Although I like yelling for them when I need them, it isn't always effective and makes me feel like a shrew. Lately, I've incorporated a parenting tool that I learned from my mother. I call it Mommy Morse Code.
Max (13) doing some strumming in his room.
Claire (10 1/2) hanging out with her pillow collection. She can't bond with her stuffed animals. They are confiscated because they don't like staying in their stuffie net. But that's another story.
Only one tool is required for performing Mommy Morse Code: a broom. I prefer a broom with a soft tip so as not to cause damage to the Morse surface. Although this particular broom has lost its sweeping effectiveness, I still hang on to it. It doesn't matter because I never sweep anyway.
To summon a child using Mommy Morse Code, first determine where the child's bedroom is located in relation to the ceiling of your rooms downstairs. Next, firmly bang on the ceiling of the child's room. The child will hear the banging and come downstairs (or go to the top of the stairs and yell 'Whaaaat?'). The child can hear the thump of the broom regardless of noise level in the room, like a deaf person who can still dance to the beat of music. It is amazing.
For advanced parents, the following codes are applicable.
- Two hits: "Din-ner." I like to match the bangs with the syllables. It helps me remember.
- Three hits: "Te-le-phone."
- Four hits: "Al-ice wants you."
- Five hits: "Come set the tab-le."
- Six hits: "Have you done your home-work?"
- Seven or more hits: "You little twit, I got your progress report in the mail today and you are flunking homeroom. How does a person flunk homeroom? You are so busted."
Disclaimer: Smacking your child with the broom handle is tempting at times. Please proceed with caution.
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43 comments:
I seriously did this for years! It is the best ever. It annoyed my kids after a while but I figured, Hey, I'm the mom so this is the way it is.
You are amazing. Few people are as smart as you!
You aren't a shrew, don't worry. That Paige though, I hear she's treading a fine line....
My ceilings are too high. Oh, and you so had me but then you had to throw in the "flunking" homeroom...there is no freakin' way one of YOUR kids is flunking anything.
Mitch flunked "Decision Making" in High School. Nuff said. (oops! going to be in trouble...)
I think I have your current broom, although mine has duct tape on the handle. Time for a new one? No way, duct tape is my best friend.
My house is so small that yelling is not required to summon the children. For some reason I still find it necessary to practice my vocal range when I feel stressed or angry. I do bang on the shower wall if I hear yelling and screaming while trying to wash my hair.
Max is indeed flunking homeroom. Apparently if he partcipates in a fundraising scheme, he can bring it up. I smell a money for grades scandal brewing. What am I going to do with all of that cookie dough? Besides eat it, of course.
The traditions of their fathers (mothers) are great. Of course all I care about is whose bedroom is next to mine or under mine, because when the headboard's a rockin', don't come a knockin'.
Celia, the scoreboard for today goes to Paige. Blue, misshapen boobs trump brooms.
And sexual comments too...Paige is on a roll!
Celia, the scoreboard for today goes to Paige. Blue, misshapen boobs trump brooms. Lo siento.
And the stomping also works for the kids in the basement. What does NOT work is when the husband attempts to stomp or broom hit to get the mother's attention. Does not go over well.
I also do not sweep...so as I scrolled down, I did not thing that was a broom handle. I thought it was, um, something else.
LF
"Think" - did not THINK it was a broom handle.
I love it, especially the multi-syllable coding. You are wise, Ms. Celia. I can only hope to one day have a second story necessitating the use of the code.
Funny stuff! I will keep this technique in mind when my girls get older!
I'm with anonymous on this one! LOL
p.s. great post.
My bedroom was downstairs and my mom summoned us by stomping on the floor. Our code was our birth order. She just kept stomping when she wanted all of us.
I want to know how this will work with a one story house. I knew there was a reason I should have opted for a two story house.
Oh, this was a great post! I am still going to have to use my special intercom, since we live in a ranch. I find that shrieking like a harpy isn't very effective but, it is theraputic.
Brilliant.
I am anxiously awaiting the stage when the children shut themselves in their rooms. When does that start?
I live in a rambler. Darn. But my twins serve me well as little messengers.
The first broom handle looked like something else. At first it looked like a pregnancy test and then it looked like what your anonymous commenter thinks it looked like.
Sorry that Max is failing homeroom. Maybe it's because he doesn't get a bagel like Henry and Alice in the morning.
Yes, I must admit to thinking the broom handle also looked like something else. Combined with Paige's headboard a rockin' comment, and this post might get an R rating. In which case, your readership will totally grow. In ways you never wanted.
Love the morse code. Yelling doesn't seem to work. I'll have to get me a "broom" handle and try your trick.
Genius!
my husband's family does that. I thought they were just lazy and didn't want to go upstairs. Turns out they were just employing the ancient art of broom handle morse code.
I love it! I only have a one story house,but I'm determined to find a way to use this.
My kids wish we lived in a 2 story...they think you're rich if you live in a 2 story and drive a mini-van...sounds like you've got it made!
My mom used to do this until we moved to a house with vaulted ceilings. Then she couldn't reach and we got some peace.
I want to know when your book, "How to Raise Teenagers and Have Fun at the Same Time," is coming out. Seriously, you are so witty!
When I was in college my apt. was on the top floor and we got the broom ALL the time. I had a roomie who was a clogger and we were not liked ONE BIT!
Oh my gosh, that was so funny. I love that idea. I'm with Gabi though. I just dream about the stage where my kids want to be in their rooms with the door shut. Instead I have three shadows constantly. You've got to admit, the broom handle does look a bit obscene.
Love your blog so much! I'm the child of a stomper - if we/the TV/our friends were being too loud, stomp stomp stomp. So embarrassing to a teenager.
i can't stand it. someone mentioned paige is their "nightcap." you're my morning screwdriver. hilarious, girl.
bring max's cookie dough to BP- already prepared, of course.
loved paige's crossover comment. this officially brings her over here with me... on the naughty freaky side of the world. WOO!
The phallic broom handle does not come with batteries. Sorry, ladies. Who said housework isn't fulfilling?
I can totally believe Max is flunking homeroom. This new homeroom thing is one of my biggest pet peeves about Bristow right now. Travis got a D the first quarter. (At PT conf. he had and A in it, when the report cards came out a few days later he had a D.) I think is just a stupid thing they started to help them keeps kids gpa's down and out of the Renaissance program. Saves them money on the rewards you know.
Oh, and adolescent hiding starts at the onset of puberty. Don't you remember? My sister Ellie didn't come out of her room from ages 11-19.
We've had whole family home evenings devoted to:
If-I-call-you-and-you-say-What-and-I-don't-answer-because-I-don't-want-to-keep-yelling-It-doesn't-mean-I've-stopped-wanting-you-to-come-where-I-am-so-you-better-get-your-butt-moving.
It still doesn't work. Maybe the broom will.
I am still in my room right now.
That is funny, maybe I'll have to come up with my own morse code
I LOVE this!! I hate yelling up the stairs. I always have to yell several times, and by then I really am a very angry shrew.
I'm pretty ambitious, so I think I'll just print up your "Advanced" list now and make the kids memorize it. If they don't memorize it quick enough, I can just threaten them with the broomstick. Brilliant!
Genius, just genius! I get my best parenting tips from you! I love your comment Paige.
You're brilliant. I've been looking for a way to stop yelling at my kids.
I especially love #6.
Oh my gosh! I too thought broom #1 was something you pulled out of your nightstand. Then broom #2 worried me a bit, then I got it. I may be using this technique later. Thanks!
I am so doing this. Leave it to Pam to come up with a trick every mother should know. I see now that growing up in a one story house did me a great disservice. We were all screaming ninnies! LOVE THIS... gonna start today!
My mom never employed Mommy Morse Code. She did employ the flyswatter, complete with fly guts, to our behinds when we refused to mind or listen to her.
Sometimes she got us in the mouth as we were twisting away from the flyswatter. It was tasty.
I seriously want to know when the book is coming out too! You could make some big bucks and then come out and visit each one of us (Like Super Nanny does) and tell us what the heck we should do about..." You are brillant, and blessed with wisdom beyond your years. We all bow down to you Celia.
I saw your comment on Denae's blog. I will gladly send you an invite--but just know, you're NOT missing much! Your blog on the other hand....hahaha these are some of the funniest posts I think I've EVER read--no exagerration! I love your sense of humor!
Wow, look what I have been missing--Mommy Morse Code. Brilliant and great timing for me. This is the 3 week window when the weather is nice to open the windows to let the fresh air in. It is also the time when my yelling voice goes out into the neighborhood.
I have actually tried this from the upstairs bathtub. I-NEED-SHAMPOO. It fails miserably.
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