I think everyone who has been to testimony meeting would agree that it can be a wonderful spiritual experience. I do look forward to it, and other people's testimonies have definitely helped mine to grow. I will be thinking of all of you next month on the first Sunday. I will probably even bear my testimony and break one of my own rules, which is why I am glad there won't really be a Gong there. Thanks to my commenters, I have a whole new vocabulary to use during testimony meeting.
Phonymony - A testimony interrupted by someone's cell phone.
Tequilamony - Testimony of the Word of Wisdom. Ask Tanyetta about this.
Againamony - Same testimony given by the same person monthly.
Investimony - A meeting with an investigator there. Hopefully the meeting follows Faust's guidelines.
You'redoneamony - A speaker who runs overtime. Don't they know the minute the clock says ten after our brains immediately shut down?
Lightamony - a testimony that requires the little red light to shine.
Nakimony - The lady that disrobed during her turn. Really, Susan?
Lesbimony - Marty's meeting where the lady came out.
Bingomony - A speech that includes most squares on the bingo card.
Chuteamony - The trap door operated by deacons for inappropriate talks.
What?amony - Questionable personal revelation shared.
Deniamony - The person who is always surprised that he ends up at the pulpit.
Organimony - When the organ starts playing because it is time to go.
Torahmony - Jewish testimony.
Textimony - Person who texts during sacrament meeting.
Confessimony - We all know what this is.
Storimony - Rambling story that illustrates what? point.
Quotamony - Where someone tells all of the cute things their kids say. That's what blogs are for, right folks?
Bushamony - Testimony of the current government.
Temptimony - Someone who describes food while you are fasting. Also called a sadist.
Babelmony - Meeting in a foreign language. Linsey does this every month.
Songimony - Unannounced a Capella singing during testimony.
Thankimony - Thanks people by name. Will always leave an important one out.
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31 comments:
I need to commit these to memory for future Fast Sunday laughs.
Yes, the nakimony is true. Sadly, I didn't get to see it, though. I just heard all about it from several ward members in LA. She didn't quite get naked. As soon as the bishopric realized what was happening, she was gonged and escorted off the stand.
Celia-
I cannot breathe. I am laughing so hard. Hilarious!!!!!
Hey Marty, did the lady bring her 'friend' with her too! LOL
Way to stretch the funny out into one more post.
Deniamony is my favorite. Acting so surprised that you are up there at the pulpit spilling your guts out for the ward to hear. It's like - if you want to get up, get up. The spirit doesn't "make" you get up. Blech!
i'm beginning to think the whole "peculiar people" thing isn't much of a compliment. i can't wait to see all the additional -monies that people add on here. although the disrobing sister tops the show. it takes a lot to shock me, and frankly, i'm at a loss for words. well, at least words that are acceptable to post on a public forum. but i'm laughing inside.
You forgot the MOVEONimony: Used after ward splits, release from calling.
We had a good run of MYHIPSURGERYimony: sort of an elderly ward of course.
How about:EVENTHOUGHHEISNOTHEREIWANTTOSAYimony: in a word, tell the person later if they are not there. Pretty sure what you have to say won't be pure undefiled doctrine anyway.
GirlsCampimony- where 12 year old girls bear their testimony of the friends and their fights during Girls Camp. I remember bearing my Girlscampimony when I was 12 and mentioning how great it was to have friends to go with me to the "pee room." I was bawling and everything. Ah, the horror.
I love "Girlscampimony", I have heard many of those and they usually start like, "I didn't want to come to camp (snif snif), but my parents made me, I am so glad I came..."
That is hysterical!!
Maybe your husband can video your testimony with the cell phone so that we can all see on next fast Sunday's blog!
Gotta go...I'm off to Ross!!
40 Comments Celia. Is that an all time record?
FABULOUS! HYSTERICAL!
A new family had just moved to our ward. The husband decided to pretty well eliminate any potential friends with this testimony: "You know, since moving here I've decided this neighborhood is really quite unfriendly. In fact, I think it is pretty rude." And in the same breath, "well, being that I AM the best father that there could be..."
Talk about confident!
You forgot the "Iwanttotakethisopportunitytotellmywifeiloveherimony" and "idbesoungratefulifididn'tstandimony".
This was soooo hilarious, Celia. Posts like these are why I come back for more and more and more.
YOu realize you had 40 comments on your last post?! And it wasn't even your birthday?!
I forgot to mention one:
One time when John and I were first starting to go back to church and "come back to the fold" if you will, the VERY FIRST day we come back was a fast and testimony meeting. The LIBRARIAN took up the ENTIRE block and lectured everyone (and I mean YELLING AT THE WHOLE CONGREGATION) to get their geneology done. He also talked about how no one was grateful for what he did in the library.
I'm surprised we came back after that.
brilliant, as usual
My husband is guilty of textimony or blackberrymony. Since he loves to send emails during church. And of course he can't even pretend he is reading his scriptures on his blackberry because no one would believe him. Last week i gave him the evil eye because I thought he was doing work again during testimony meeting and it turned out he was doing his church calling which I let slide since it was church stuff!! I love when Carl gets out his blackberry during Ward council and pretends he is recording stuff on the calendar when I see him checking emails.
I wish I had a new one to contribute but I think you covered them all! I wish I could textimony. Maybe we should both bring our phones next week and try it!
The Torahmony would probably involve a lot of complaining about health problems and bragging about how great their son, the doctor is.
There is at least one more Denae, how about the Tripimony. When someone just can't wait to tell EVERYONE about your great trip.
These are hilarious. Even my husband checked this one from work...
How about the Cryimony for those who get teary on their way to the stand, grab a tissue before their feet are in front of the podium, and let it flow from beginning to end, so we can't really understand what they're saying?
How bout the friendimony. All they talk about is all their friends in the ward. Love those. Celia, I have a treat for you. But I have to get my hubby to help me with it. To be continued...
ok check your email.
I'm learning more about testimony meeting in the Brentwood Stake, more and more. I scared to bear mine now....I might be guilt of several of those things.
How about Palimony...
As in the BYU tradition of being thankful for your roommates (Pals)...
"I have a testimony of my roommate..." or
"I know that my roommate(s) are true..."
Lobotimony - A Testimony so laboriously boring that you are sure your head is going to explode...and your IQ shrinks 25 points immediately after you say "amen"...
backgammon-imony, performed by you know who on the Blackberry.
What about the snoozimony? The testimony and/or talk is so boring that members of the bishopric take a little nap. Or can't forget the snorimony. Same as taking a snooze, but add a little snoring to add artistic rendition.
I'dliketopubiclythankmyHeavenlyFatherimony. Isn't that what prayer is for?
Promptomony. Where the parents stand behind the child and whisper a testimony into his/her ear...that we all still can hear because of something called a microphone. Didn't we get a letter from the First Presidency asking us not to do this?
Follow-upimony.
The forced, uninspired, uninspiring, laxidasical testimony that the parent gives following the Promptimony.
@#!&%*imony. When someone (usually an oldster) uses foul language during his testimony. This is when your children look at you with mouth agape.
Kolobimony. When someone introduces "space doctrine" and/or bizarre personal "revelation" during a testimony.
This was a joint effort. Dane is often made to endure my explanation of your blog for the day.
I realy, realy wish there was infact a secret trapdoor I could operate. I think I'll bring it up at the next presidency meeting.
the nakimony was in my ward growing up. i was there. delightful details available in the event of any vote in the affirmative.
with the promptimony: in your wards scattered all over does it go like this?
"i'd like to bear my testimony i know this church is true i love my family and my friends i know the book of mormon is true and joseph smith was the prophet and gordon b. hinckley is the prophet amen."
i have heard this identical spiel, complete with identical lilting cadence, in 3 states, often by several primary kids in succession. just wondering.
i have also enjoyed the occasional near-death-experience-amony, past-misdeeds-amony, i'll-give-you-50-bucks-if-you-say-"nipple"-in-your-testimony-amony, and the i-know-heavenly-father-wants-me-to-go-to-bartending-school-amony. most of those having happened in my singles ward.
i forgot the i'm-so-grateful-all-8-of-our-children-were-conceived-through-holes-cut-in-the-holy...i guess you know where i'm going with this, anyway. true story.
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