I joined a gym about a month ago. It really isn't that bad. I'm trying not to psych myselph out by being obsessed with it, and it is working phine. All of the gym things that I dreaded really didn't come true.
A Phat Girlz Guide to Going to the Gym
A Phat Girlz Guide to Going to the Gym
- The skinny people exercise in the morning. You know, the ones who are obsessed with themselves and how they look. Avoid the morning or you will run into people you know. They will want to talk to you about what your phorm of exercise is and will want you to know what exactly they are not eating that day. This is exhausting.
- They have TV's by the machines. Iph you happen to like TV, this is great incentive, especially iph you are into the program you are watching. Then you won't want to quit until the show is over. Today they had VH1 Hotties Over Phorty. Funny how phorty doesn't seem very old anymore.
- When you get bored with the machine you are on, you can switch to another machine and it doesn't seem as bad. I don't know why this is. Another psychological phenomenon.
- The aqua aerobics classes are peopled with old ladies. Plus, they require bathing suits which require nakedness in the locker room, which just isn't going to happen. Plus, the towels are about as big as washcloths.
- Exercise clothes for phatties are diphicult but not impossible to acquire. It is important to have the proper gear so that you don't pheel selph-conscious. Beware the super long pants. Apparently iph you have some extra baggage, you are also a giantess. Looking around, I see mostly short phatties, so this confuses me. Stick with the capri length. On you they'll be ca-pants anyway.
- Iph you listen to your ipod that Andrea sent you songs for, you will be very happy in the weight-liphting area. Go to the women's area instead of the co-ed area so you don't have to watch men and women posing for each other and beginning illicit affairs. Also, then you can avoid the phakie show and the body piercing show and the weird tattoo show.
- Nortorious wrote a post about skipping the gym altogether. This is also a good idea. Remember, as you age you can save your phace or your bod but not both. Skinny girls have wrinkles whereas phat girls have lovely plump juicy skin. I know. I'm an expert.
Any people who want to read more about the skinnies and the phatties, head over to Andrea. She's got something to say.
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31 comments:
Phunny and true. I like working out in the normal part so I can see which super skinny ladies got a new "set" to wear on their chest.
Skinny is good everywhere but your neck. Being very concerned about my neck, I'm sacrificing everything else.
So Phun! I wish we could go to the gym together and get more physically phit. We could also make phun of all the phreaks, which is known to burn calories and phat.
What phunky songs are playing on your cardio playlist? Please post.
Very phunny and true. All except the part about the morning exercisers. I work out in the morning and I would only tell you about all the ice cream I would be going home to eat. I would even invite you to join me. Ice cream has no calories, you know, when you eat it with a friend!
I'm too cheap for a gym. It's all about "Cardio Kick Butt" on FitTV OnDemand. It's great and it makes me laugh becuse one of the ladies has orange hands from a bad self-tanning incident. (at least I assume that's why she's orange)
I agree with gab and want to know whats on your phunky playlist. :)
You're a phunny one.
Phabulous post. Sorry, everyone else was doing the 'ph' thing and I am a follower.
I took a water aerobics class when I was 23 with a friend who was 21. Everyone else in the class was over 60. I found it a forum for all the old ladies to gab with one another while wearing bathing caps. That poor instructor had absolutely no control over the women. I quit after some nasty shower scenes with scary wrinkled bodies parading around the locker room. I like to live in denial about my body's future.
Hi phriend (my lame attempt at joining the crowd with a "Ph")before I moved, I was a gym rat and this one lady Carol would say in front of EVERYONE (if I missed a day or so) that "we need to work extra hard to burn off Holly's calories to make up for her lost time". It used to really piss me off. She was like 50 and tried to look like she was 20 with her skimpy clothes and her tan, tan skin. I would get really happy when I noticed cellulite on her. It would sort of make my workout that much better.
Good luck on your gym quest. If I lived near to you, I would totally be joining you.
So, is going to a gym the new thing or what? I was just on your sisters blog and she's talking about gyms too. I just can't do the gym thing. I'd rather workout in my living room
Loved the illicit affairs part. I used to watch a guy in our ward (married) totally chat up these naked/augmented girls every morning and it would make me so mad.
Try the Kettlebells, although you may be tempted to use them as weapons.
Watch out for the girls that run on the treadmills for an hour (I always peek at the time on their display). The rule is usually 30 minutes - I remind them. Especially if their machine has a good view of the Lifestyle channel.
It's been so long since I've been to an actual gym - evidently next to nothing has changed. Good luck!
I gave up the gym years ago. I now run in my basement to my favorite TIVO'd shows. I hated the meat market pheel to the gym and never had cute enough clothes to wear. Plus I hate leaving my house when it's cold in the mornings (afternoons or evenings, too). I'm with Lisa-Marie, let's just sit around and eat ice cream instead. Phat is the new thin!
maybe i have a phreakin problem, because i love the gym. i love to work out. i told you about my herniated discs... and how i can't do what i used to do. and it's depressing! i walked up the stairs at the stadium last weekend to take my child potty, and my thighs were burning. i used to run stadium stairs for fun after my workouts!! and i would love to get a new set on my chest, as paige puts it. my kids nursed the already miniscule life right out of me there. why can't skinny girls write posts about our challenges? i feel discriminated against. i need a hug, celia.
i LOVE the comment about ca-pants. LOL! I have a closet phull of them. I knew I liked you!
Beware of the capris that have a super wide leg...I tried some on the other day and it looked like someone put their hand on my head and pushed down. The oompa loompa song instantly came to mind. Not attractive!
i LOVE the comment about ca-pants. LOL! I have a closet phull of them. I knew I liked you!
Beware of the capris that have a super wide leg...I tried some on the other day and it looked like someone put their hand on my head and pushed down. The oompa loompa song instantly came to mind. Not attractive!
"Skinny girls have wrinkles whereas phat girls have lovely plump juicy skin"
LOL. That's the funniest thing I've read all day.
Funny post. But I wouldn't know. I have a serious gym phobia and haven't been since I was like 20.
I am also not hip enough to attend the gym because I am not the owner of an ipod or an mp3 player, so it's probably better to not exhibit my ghetto self in front of the gym masses.
Congrats on going to the gym.
If you want to get completely worldly like Heather and I, we are planning a family reunion in Columbia 2009. We're going to lose all the baby weight and then do a little nip and tuck . . . and also raise those boobies to where they used to be before having kids.
But Heidi, what if you die like Kanye's mom? I'm concerned.
I prefer my home workouts, too. Last time I was at the gym I tried a step class with a friend and missed the step on one particularly tricky move (I believe it was a step "up") and ended up flat on my backside. And I was in the front row. Yeah. I don't do gyms.
Oh...and I'll post about my Oprah show tonight at work when I get a sec.
I am so excited you joined the gym and we can excercise together. Although your schedule is not working for me. But we can still play racquetball when they finish the new building. Hopefully before my tummy is large and round
Celia, I'm shocked, you gave up working out at the Dance studio with Heather? I totally agree that gym towels are the size of wash cloths! They never hide my whole large bottom.
I guess my comment didn't work the first time--too bad, it was phunny.
Come to my gym, we work out with Linus, stick lady and Billy Idol! Phreaky.
I take issue with the morning gym goers! Being a proud gym rat myself, I would love to talk to you about your phorm of exercise, what phattenning things I might eat that day, and how phit we can be together. Now that I know, I am watching for you!
I applaud your efforts. I haven't been to a gym since 1999. That was when the manager came into the locker room and yelled at me while I was standing there NAKED because my baby was crying too much in their daycare. Now I stay home to work out. It saves lots of money on workout clothes because I can just wear my garmies and Adidas. I assure you, it's a very pretty sight.
Ya, weight issues are touchy. I have been overweight and I have been fit. The only reason I was sad with myself when I was overweight was because I knew it wasn't healthy. That's all anyone should care about anyway. I get so sick of judgmental people. If women would unite instead of compare, the world would be a happier place. What's the deal with plastic surgery? Can't we all just be happy with what we've got instead of spending a ton of $$ to be better than so and so? It's so destructive in my opinion. bc then you start thinking about yourself all the time instead of other important things. And bc once you start looking that closely at yourself, you are never going to stop finding things wrong. Apparently I have serious opinions in this area...
Love the Ph phunk. So, you are Paige's sister? Did she tell you she made the connection with me that we went to girls camp together? I am from WC. Were you the chic who was gone for picture day and two girls held up a sign that said "Celia." I am having a flashback here. Am I right??
I don't love the gym. Although we have a really good one really close, I still can't manage to get there. I would rather fold laundry, clean the fridge or organize the garage. When I told my husband this, he suggested that we get some household help... so what does THAT mean, I'm PHAT or something???? :)
Oh, if I could just hire someone to workout for me... life would be grand.
You are so phunny and phresh! love it all! be sure to add mary j blige's song--i'm fine, fine, fine! think of me when you're running 100 mph on the treadmill. i'll be home eating ice cream. yup, i'm lazy like that :)
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